


mistake

by anon_drabble



Category: Mystic Messenger, Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Bad Ending, Character Death, Death, F/M, Love, Mistakes, POV Female Character, POV First Person, Regret, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-10 01:19:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14727239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anon_drabble/pseuds/anon_drabble
Summary: a slight angst fic about the bad ending on day 10 of jumin's route. it's so hard for me to purposely choose bad answers to get the bad ends. told from mc's perspective and i gave her a lot more characterization than the game does so sorry if that's unappealing.





	mistake

**Author's Note:**

> also posted on my tumblr

I loved him. Really. I did. Or do. It’s definitely love. That’s all I know. Does he believe I loved him? That, I’m not so sure of. I was harsh to him and now I regret it. What’s that saying? “Hindsight is 20-20”? Something like that. 

You know the story. Boy meets girl. Girl and boy like each other. One gets too serious too fast, the other gets scared. I got scared. I reacted badly, treated him poorly. He probably thinks I hate him. I’ve never hated him, though. It was all my fault. 

When Jumin lost Elizabeth, everything changed for us. At first, I was as eager as he was. I loved him, even back then. But things went wrong and nothing went smoothly. Jumin was tormented by his own demons and I could not worry about myself. I tried to help him, to calm him. But there was a lot happening to him. Maybe he snapped a little but suddenly, he was almost violent, extremely possessive. I couldn’t tell if he even loved me or was just replacing his cat with me. I shouldn’t have behaved as I did but I begged him to let me leave. He didn’t and no one could convince him. 

Jaehee, Zen, even Yoosung when he wasn’t busy with Seven, they all tried to tell him it wasn’t fair to keep me locked up. But Jumin had seen the one precious creature in his life run from him at the first opportunity. I understand why he changed so suddenly. Truly, I do. I wanted to help him but I got scared, too. I’m not a perfect person, despite what Jumin believed. Yes, I feel so guilty. Unbelievably so. I reacted in so many wrong ways, hurt him, and if I could take it all back, I would. 

I loved him. 

By the time Jumin settled his heart a bit, it was too late. I was shaken, scared to my core, and I needed space. Why do I keep saying that? I’m not asking for forgiveness. I just want to tell my side. Anyways, I still insisted on leaving. But I couldn’t seem to communicate that it was for the sake of our relationship. I didn’t hate Jumin but if we were to be together (as both of us wanted), I needed to get away for a time and sort things out. I should have tried harder to express that to Jumin. Another mistake. 

I still don’t know how Yoosung and Seven found Elizabeth the 3rd. It should have been impossible for her to get up to the mountains in such a short time. But they found her and I thought Jumin would feel better, that he’d realize I wasn’t in any danger. And then I could go home. But he was still scared and still unsure. I guess it makes sense. But I didn’t see that. 

To be completely honest, Zen goaded me. He was extreme and passionate about me being released. He was angry and though I was trying to be as understanding as I could, Zen was speaking that nasty part of me. That blackness that most people have that causes them to overreact and say what they don’t mean. Zen didn’t hold back and honestly, it felt good to just let out those extreme feelings. To vent my frustrations. But I did it where Jumin could see, and even told Jumin such harsh things to his face. 

Was he really worried about my safety? Was that why he wanted to keep me there? Or was he already convinced I’d leave him for good if he let me? If I’d just been more composed and gentle, maybe we’d still be together. Happy. In love. Or maybe if Jumin had let me go earlier, everything would have worked out. How many things had to go wrong for this to be the result? 

If I did one thing right, it was when I peeked in Jumin’s closest. I remembered he hated choosing his own tie so I was curious to see what he had. That was the first day I was there alone. I gleefully organized his closet and paired suits with ties. It took all day. And in each suit pocket, I left Jumin a little note. “Remember to thank Jaehee”. “You work so hard, remember to take small breaks”. “Breathe”. “I love you”. One note for every suit. Jumin had a lot of suits. He’d be finding those notes for a long time. That was something I did right, at least. 

I knew I hurt him. There were times… I knew I was too harsh. And I knew it when I said it. It wasn’t that I wanted to hurt him but I knew in that moment that what I was saying would hurt him. 

I made so many mistakes. I can’t even count all of them. And all I can say in my defense is that I just tried to be true to myself. I did what I thought was right at the time. I only reacted. I didn’t know. Couldn’t know. I wanted the best for both of us and at the time, I couldn’t see what Jumin did. 

I didn’t see the danger. Jumin did. He really was trying to protect me but I didn’t see that. 

Do you understand? 

I really did love him. So much. 

But I insisted. I demanded to go home. I said Jumin was keeping me prisoner. And he was but he was right, in the end. 

Because… Now? Now we’re no longer together and we never will be. 

When I returned to that apartment, someone was waiting. I don’t know who it was. He rambled about a switch and a savior and before I knew it, a “special security protocol” was activated and then… 

Now we’re both alone. Both me and Jumin. Because I was wrong. 

I love him. I’m not sure how much longer I will be like this. But I want my last thought to be of Jumin. Of how much I love him. 

Maybe if that’s all I think of when I…when I finally go, maybe then he’ll know. Somehow. Know that I loved him. 

And maybe if it’s the last thing, then when Jumin finds those notes… He’ll know. That even though we can’t be together now, we had something really wonderful in the beginning. Maybe he’ll see the notes and remember the person he became by loving me. I don’t want him to be in pain. I don’t want them to be painful reminders. 

I just want him to know. I love him. I love him so much. I love him until the end. 

I love…

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [mistake v.2](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15253521) by [anon_drabble](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anon_drabble/pseuds/anon_drabble)




End file.
